I scanned through my old diary this evening (I’m still a diarist at the age of blogging) and all I can say is it was like a time machine, it brought me back not only for about two years back but it also reminded me of what I used to be like. I saw my 19 year old self- my young (at least two years younger than I am now), reserved (and by that I mean introvert but still cool in a way), dreamy, rather closed-minded, never-been-kissed, almost forever alone self. By reading my diary it’s like I’m face to face with this girl, the girl with the longer hair, happier face, and heart full of dreams. I have to say it’s been a while since I sat down, contemplate and reflect on my life. Nothing much has changed. The only thing that probably changed is the fact that I had a boyfriend and I’m smarter now, not to mention that I’m more introvert and neurotic now than before. I have always been neurotic, but I try to view it as one of the things that makes me unique, although in what aspect i still don’t have a clue. If it’s only possible, I’d like to ask my 19 year old self out for coffee, and there at the tranquil and serene atmosphere of the coffee shop (Trio cafe, I suppose) I would tell her about ways to improve her life in the future. I would tell her to stop using roll-on deodorant because it’d cause darkening of her underarm and believe me, she wouldn’t like that. I would also tell her to get rid of that BNY flared pants because she’ll get mocked by her own self for wearing such out-dated piece of clothing. I would tell her to enrol in Econ11 on the second semester of her junior year if she wants to graduate on time. I would tell her whenever she’s feeling depressed don’t overindulge in chocolate and ice cream because she’d be more depressed at the size of her jeans later on (a minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips). I would tell her to please save her money because there’s going to be this cute Hello-Kitty alcatel phone that is made to look very cute rather than useful but it’s still very cute and she’d surely want to own it but she won’t have anything to spare. But most of all, I’d tell her not to go to that stupid elementary reunion-party because a guy who always had a crush on her since grade 3 would finally have his chance and it sounds so cute that after 6 years he’s still into her but nah, 9 months later he’s going to break her heart, believe me I know. And I’d tell her to be optimistic about everything and be happy for what she is because it’s always on the attitude of the person, dear. She’s going to have a wonderful life if she has better attitude on things. A life full of pains but still wonderful. She’d get that. She’s smart.
And well, if she can’t help going to that stupid elementary reunion-party because I understand that fateful summer is so boring and she would want an excuse to get out of the house, just.. well, please don’t fall in love with that jerk. You can do it. Love is all in the mind. It just gets hard though if you’re already under its spell. But on early period, when it’s still on the process of evolving into something illogical and foolish, you can still walk away. Get distracted. Buy a book. Get addicted to a TV series. It’ll work. Believe me, I know what’s best for you.
Life is a bitch. We should learn to bitch back.
No comments:
Post a Comment