Trapped

I want to close my eyes and die. Maybe then I’d be free, away from these invisible cuffs that choke me and trap me as if I don’t own my life. I’m almost 21 now for crying out loud and I’m still not allowed to be on my own? Most girls my age are working full time now and starting to build a family of their own, and I’m still not allowed to go with my friends to other side of the town? I don’t have a night life. I don’t have a boyfriend that I shouldn’t keep as a secret. I don’t have the superficial happiness that most teenagers have. No wonder I’m a dork. No wonder I have more books than friends. No wonder I grew up socially retarded and neurotic. No wonder I’m probably going to spend my life alone. I’ve learned in my 4 years of psychology classes that if I want a mate, I should at least participate in the social constructs, such as dating and getting drunk on bars and at least hanging out at some local coffee shop where lonely people like me also hangs out and then we’ll find each other. But no, I should be at least 30 years old to do that. A girl of almost-21 must stay at home when there’s no school, watch Disney and play Barbie. Yeah, wtf. They’re lucky I’m not the rebellious type. I’m not giving them problems. For now.